It's 1240am and the exams start today and I can't sleep. Haha. Normally I don't have any trouble sleeping. I usually fall asleep the moment my head touches the pillow. O.o So I guess today is kind of unusual. Especially since I should be sleeping early today so as to prevent falling asleep during english/chem papers.

And even if I can't sleep, the last thing I should be doing is blogging. I should be doing some last minute mugging or at the very least lying in bed and TRYING to fall asleep.

But oh well, sometimes I don't always do what I should be doing. In times of weakness I tend to do what I feel like doing rather than what I should be doing. Which is bad. Haha. So now as I'm typing this I am in a moment of weakness. Okay I think I am just typing nonsense but never mind, it's the time of the night to do self-reflection and evaluation! haha. Note: self reflection does NOT equal to emo-ing!

Anyway, a few nights ago I told a friend of mine that I think I have learnt to be a better friend this year. I guess I have learnt to be a more self-less person, learnt to put myself into others' shoes more and learnt to do for others what I expect others to do for me. After all, it's always better to give than to receive right?

That being said, I still cannot claim to be the perfect friend. I'm far from it actually. Sometimes I forget people's birthdays. Sometimes people come to me for advise and I cannot give it. Sometimes people expect me to be there for them but I'm just not. Sometimes a friend feels down but I'm not sensitive enough to sense this and I don't provide a shoulder to cry on.

I guess in the busyness of life, there are times where I don't put in enough effort to be there for friends that mean so much to me. But hey, that's only human right? I admit, there have also been times where I feel like certain friends are not there for me. There are times where I get disappointed when people don't live up to my expectations.

Once upon a time, I would get all depressed when I feel like my friends have deserted me and I have no one to turn to. Once upon a time I would feel a great pang of sadness if a friend forgets about me once he/she finds a girlfriend/boyfriend. Once upon a time.

I'm glad to say that I've grown pass that phase. I guess if we pin all our hopes onto other people, it is inevitable that we will get disappointed at some time or another. Simply because humans aren't perfect. I'm human too, and that's why I can never be the perfect friend. And I don't expect I ever will be. I mean, even the most caring and responsible of human beings are bound to slip sometimes.

And therefore... I've learnt to pin all my hopes and expectations onto Someone who will never ever let me down. Someone who will be there for me whenever I need someone to turn to. The perfect friend. Yes you've guessed it, that person is none other then God! Friends are great to have, and I believe many of the dearest friends I have are gifts from God, sent to bless me with the great times of fellowship we have. But at the end of the day... the only person I know will never disappoint me is my Best Friend.

I guess what I am trying to say in this rather rambly post is that it isn't healthy to be so emotionally dependent on a fellow human being... because one day they won't be able to be there for us anymore. But put your trust in a Rock that never moves and never changes, and I guarantee, you will never need to emo over your friends again.

Yup so that's all. Oh by the way, this post was inspired when I watched Tarzan on disney channel the other day. Haha. There's this song called Two Worlds, and the starting line goes like this:

Put your faith in what you most believe in

So yes I guess I shall be off to sleep/study now :)