With arms wide and heart abandoned


Today was officially the last day of the mid year exams, and it was great, going out with Vicky and Nana after school, feeling so high with a burden lifted off my shoulders. But late at night when everyone at home had gone to sleep, I started to feel just a little bit tired of things. Just a little bit.

And I came to God just a little bit cold, just a little bit distant, just a little bit burned out. And as I sang the song, "The Stand", I prayed to Him, "Lord, I don't ever want to grow cold. I don't want to drift away from You the way I've seen many do so. I want to be as on fire as the day I first experienced You."

As I worshiped, the lyrics of the song seemed to speak to me in a whole new way, as if God was right there talking to me.

I remembered the time I first stepped into church and I experienced His presence, something so new yet so comforting. I remembered the passion that burned in me. An unquenchable flame. And I remembered why I had kindled that flame in the first place.

You stood before creation
Eternity within Your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
Carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand

Have you ever faced something so much bigger than you, infinitely more powerful, unthinkably stronger, and you just know that there's nothing else you can do but give in and surrender?

I guess that's how it is with God. Only, I don't surrender because a police is pointing a gun at me, nor do I surrender because a pastor says I should. But I do it out of my own free will. Because really, there's nothing else I can do. I mean, what could I say or do in reaction to an almighty Creator who would die on the cross for my sins?

Words can barely describe a fraction of the awe in which I feel. It's something everyone has to experience themselves before they can understand...

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

And I guess that is what it means to be in awe. And that is why, after almost 4 years, I still say "this life to declare Your promise".

I remember there was once, someone asked Ivan, "Why do so many christians lift up their hands when they worship God?" And he said, "What do you do when someone points a gun at you? You raise your hands to surrender. When we lift our hands in worship, it's to tell God 'Lord, I surrender my life to You'."

And I guess this is what they mean by sweet surrender.

So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all

Tonight something moved in me, and I know in my heart that I will never ever lose my fire.

Who says I can't experience the presence of God at 3am right here in my own living room?